


A Kind Word

by hostclubmanager17



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst w/out a happy ending, Belief of manipulation, cognitive distortion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-04-05 08:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14040102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hostclubmanager17/pseuds/hostclubmanager17
Summary: It's been a bad day





	A Kind Word

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Someone believing they are manipulative, cognitive distortion, angst without a happy ending
> 
> Sorry, you guys did want me posting more Sanders Sides...

**** He shouldn’t be here.

Roman sucked in a deep breath and raised a hand, preparing himself to knock on the door in front of him.

He shouldn’t be doing this.

His hand curled into a trembling fist, only an inch away from the white wood. A jumbled line of glittering foam letters spelled out a name just above where he was aiming for.

_ Stop. _

Roman dropped the hand, obeying the licks of shame eating at his insides. How could he do this? Just because he wasn’t feeling great didn’t mean he had to take that out on someone else. Especially not someone he cared for.

Making his decision, the creative trait nodded solemnly to himself before turning around. He took one step in the direction of his own room when the door beside him opened.

“Oh, Roman? What’cha doing here, kiddo?”

At Patton’s cheerful expression, Roman found himself stuck in place. Battling between what he wanted, and what his gut was telling him.

He offered a meek smile in return to the brilliant one, “Nothing important, Pat. I was going to ask you something but decided against it.”

“Oh? What were you going to ask me?”

Internally Roman cursed himself. What had he been thinking? That had been the perfect set up for someone as curious as Patton to ask. Trying to save the situation, Roman waved a hand in front of his face, “Patton, it really was nothing. Besides, you clearly are enroute to something else.”

“Aww… c’mon, Roman! If ‘ya want some help from your dear ol’ Dad there’s no harm in asking! And I wasn’t going anywhere, I was just bored all cooped up in here. Come on in!”

And come in, he did. Roman sucked in a breath as he looked around the room. It looked slightly different from the last time he and the other sides had been there. For one, the golden glow had faded to a less prominent shade, probably because Patton wasn’t clinging harshly to any particular memory at the moment. Secondly, a few of the more troublesome memories had been moved. Possibly to a closet or maybe behind some of the newer memories until Thomas and/or Patton felt nostalgic again.

Roman was sorely tempted to go straight to his usual corner of the room. Thomas wasn’t in his living room at the moment, so the television wasn’t there, but the rest of the theater memories were. It was like they were calling to him. Tempting him to dive into the mountain of good memories and forget his troubles.

Instead, Roman answered Patton’s beckoning hands and sat down beside the other at the edge of his bed. The quilt behind him was soft and warm. Roman felt his eyelids growing heavy as the barest memories of warm, sunny mornings in bed tickled his brain. He felt so…  _ exhausted… _

“So, what’s buggin’ ya’, Roman?”

All the guilt that had been forgotten in that split second came thundering back to the forefront of Roman’s mind, and he began searching for more ways to get out of it, “Ah… no real… troubling reason, Patton. I just wanted to spend a few minutes in your room, is all.”

He saw the look on Patton’s face and immediately wanted to withdraw the statement. Patton wasn’t dumb, he knew that, and they both knew what it meant when someone  _ wanted _ to be in Patton’s room.

The father figure gently reached out and touched Roman’s hands, which were clasped tightly in his lap, “Roman? Are you sure nothing is bothering you?”

“I’m sure!” His smile was fading, but he pushed on, “I just… was having some trouble with my own room and… wanted to speak with you for a while. That’s all. That’s…”

Patton’s gaze was simply too sincere for Roman to take. He felt a thick, heavy weight press against his chest as his next words tumbled out.

“ _ Do you think the ideas I give Thomas really deserve all this praise? _ ”

Roman shut his eyes as Patton gasped, mentally slapping a hand across his mouth. A little voice calls out from the back of his mind.  _ You idiot! What did you have to go do that for? _

He agrees with the little voice. This was what he  _ didn’t _ want to be doing. He should’ve tracked down Dr. Picani instead. It was literally the man’s  _ job _ to talk people through their problems and issues, right? Even if he was primarily a couple’s therapist, he could’ve helped Roman a little more professionally, and then maybe Roman wouldn’t… wouldn’t feel…

“Oh, Roman… come here.” Patton pulled him close, Roman not putting up a struggle as he was hugged tightly against the father figure, “Of  _ course _ you deserve praise. Your ideas are magnificent! People love what Thomas does!”

“ _ N-not everyone. _ ”

“Are you talking about the comment today?” Patton sighed, rubbing a hand up and down the shaking royal’s back, “That upset everyone, kiddo, not just you. And even though they might have an opinion, that doesn’t mean you have to listen to it.”

Oh god, if that didn’t just make Roman feel so much  _ worse. _

His hands shake as he holds onto the back of Patton’s shirt, the other side softly whispering more comforting words as Roman cries. He wasn’t being fair. Patton was right, everyone had been upset by the comment and they were all suffering, but here Roman was, unloading all of his emotions on someone else!

He should’ve gone to Dr. Picani, but he came to Patton instead, anyways. Because Patton was kind. Because Patton was nice. Because Patton cared about other people’s feelings.

Unlike Roman.

Roman whimpered once before the waterworks kicked in, making him sob all over Patton’s shoulder. The little voice in the back of his head shoved his way to the front, shouting in Roman’s ears until he all but drowned out Patton’s voice.

_ How dare you manipulate Patton like this? How dare you trick him just to feel better about yourself? You knew that Patton would be kind and make you feel better even if he was upset about something, so you baited him with questions so he’d ask what was wrong! And now you’ve unloaded your insecurities onto him just so he’ll tell you nice things about yourself! How dare you be so selfish? _

)(

When Patton could no longer come up with more ways to tell Roman he was awesome, he slipped into humming a Disney song instead. The royal side was practically shivering in Patton’s embrace, sobbing miserably against the cat-igan pressed to his cheek. It broke Patton’s heart to see his friend like this. He wished he could just take the hurt away. He and the others knew that Roman would take it the hardest.

Patton was actually surprised it had taken Roman this long to come to him.

)(

Roman tried to push himself away from Patton, but couldn’t find the energy. He was finally aware of the tune being hummed in his ear. It was from Cinderella. The bittersweetness of the moment almost pulled a laugh from Roman. Patton was trying to cheer him up still. And he knew Roman liked Disney, and singing, so that’s what he was doing.

Roman felt like he was going to be sick.

He was feeling better now… but the mood was dulled with the memory of his latest manipulation. How could he have been so  _ weak? _ And to do it to  _ Patton? _

He’d never forgive himself.

)(

**Anonymous** 8 hours ago

I don’t understand how you’ve become so popular

Most of your work isn’t even funny, you’re just doing things people experience every day

You’re not creative at all, and should stop posting

Especially these dumb Sanders Sides

**View all 72 replies >**

**Author's Note:**

> If I missed any warnings, please tell me


End file.
